I’m so hungry. I’ve become nothing but skin and
bones and have developed that endless shuddering that I’ve seen the others of My kind get. It’s not a good sign – I
know that much. Not long after they start shuddering, they fall into a long
sleep and they never wake up again, like that thing inside them, that warm
thing, has gone. Lost. Forever.
So, so, hungry. I keep looking at Them, the tall, two-legged ones out
there, pouring past in front of me. I show Them
my sadness, my hunger, with my eyes, but they never give me anything to eat. In
fact, none of Them out there ever give
me anything, except for my favourite one of Them,
the brown one with the big hair and the strong smell. Friend, I call him.
Where is Friend?
Actually, I haven't seen him around here for a long time. So, I will continue
to look at Them – but they don’t look
at me for long, certainly not the way the brown one with the hair does. He’s
normally around here and we share food and then sleep. He gives me many kinds
of food. Usually it’s dry and chewy, but sometimes it is different. My
favourite is the soft, wet food from the little shiny packet. It makes my mouth
sing, my stomach warm – even just to think about it.
He sleeps, like me, on the hard cold ground. When
we lie there he rubs my head and neck and spine, and I relax and sleep like a
stone. None of Them ever do that.
There They
all go again, through the hard grey square. It happens all day long. They wait together for a while, as the
big, hefty, dangerous things slide noisily through the big space. And then, all
at the same time, out they pour into
the square like a river, going to the other side with a scurry in their step. I
never know how they know when to go without being hit by one of those big
things. How can they be sure it’s safe? I wonder if it’s a game or something
different.
At first I thought maybe they were friends, that
understood each other and I could join in, but then one time, many many nights
and days ago, when I was young, I tried to walk out there and nearly got hit by
a big green shape that stopped just before it was about to strike me. It let
out a panicked shriek before I scampered out of the way. It was deafening. I
haven’t gone out there again.
Yes, it is dangerous. I – I have even seen one of the
two-legged ones get hit before. It was one of the ones with the long hair, tall
feet and strange eyes. She ran out at a bad time and a large square shape got
angry and hit her. She flew through the air, hair flying, and landed in a heap near
where I sat. I learnt the two were definitely not friends.
I ran over to her, to see if she was okay, but when
I tried to lick her face one of the other tall ones got angry and kicked me
with his long legs. But I had managed to check and, yes, she was okay – not
good, but okay - and so I was happy.
But then, a strange smell filled the air – I’m not
sure what it was, as I had never quite smelt anything like it before. It was kind
of like the smell of the flowers of change that happen in the colourful time, and
it was also similar to the smell of the dead pieces that fall from the sleeping
trees in the cooler time. It also smelled like the water when it goes hard in
the bone-chilling time too. It smelled like the oppressive heat that comes but
never stays too long. It smelled like all these things and much more. It was
most peculiar. I don't think they,
the tall ones, noticed it like I did.
Just after the smell, her front part stopped moving
in the way that we all seem to have, the tall, short, those that soar in the
air among us. And then the warmth inside her started fading, same as those that
shudder and then sleep, so I could tell she had gone for the long sleep and
wouldn’t wake up anymore. I whimpered to let the other tall ones know, but they missed my words, as usual.
And then what happened was even stranger. Once that
warmness thing had faded, a kind of brightness started coming from her, quite bright,
quite blinding. So - so I got scared and ran away and hid behind a low tree.
When my courage returned and I went to look at her, the light had gone and she
had no warm thing left at all, just coldness – the sleep. I felt ashamed for
being so cowardly, but it was terrifying and I was left whimpering all night. Friend – the brown one with the big hair
– had to stroke my hair for a long time to make me relax that night.
Where is Friend?
Ow, my stomach is sore. Feeling tired too. I know
these tall ones have food, but they won’t give me any. Trembling. I’ve got to
go find him before I fall asleep. My fear is rising. Maybe he’s in the dark place across the square on the other
corner; I haven’t been there since I was young.
I used to be in the dark place quite a lot when I was younger as there was usually food
around there, if you searched for a while. But then one day, I was sniffing
through a bag of smells and I heard a low rumbling behind me. At first I
thought it was just one of those big square things that moved around there
sometimes - like the ones in the square. But then when I turned I saw Foes. Yes, three angry four-leggers,
snarling, with their teeth bared at me. They were big too – bigger than me, and
they weren’t happy to see me. “You’re in our area,” was the message. But I
didn’t quite understand as I had always been there. But - but I lowered my head
and whimpered a “sorry.” But when I went to leave the Foes ran at me, shouting, all three of them. They threw me to the
ground, standing over me whilst they bit me and tore at my fur. I thought I was
done for. However, Friend, who had
been sleeping nearby, awoke and got angry and started shouting at the foes. He
grabbed a big stick, striking the ground to stop them. Nonetheless, they
weren’t scared of him and attacked him biting his arm and trying to take out
his feet. Friend was strong though,
back then, and hit them and fended well, making it through the foes to me. He
picked me up and I hung limply in his arms. As I felt life go out of focus, I
remember Friend backing out of the
alley with a fierce look in his eyes. I awoke the next day a little sore and
scratched, and thanked Friend by
licking his hand.
I never returned to the dark place again.
Nonetheless, I have this strange belief I must go
over there, now. I must go across the square and look in that place. How do I
know? How can I be so sure? The world tells me so. A voice tells me, he is there. And so, I must.
There are countless two-legged ones already waiting
at the crossing. All different shapes and sizes, colours and smells. I move up
slowly through the crowd and stand between two of them near the edge where the
noisy machines are. I look up, but none of them see me, like normal – none of
them want to. Okay, so, I wait and then when they go, I go. Yes. Yes. Wait and
then I go and then they go. No. No. No. I wait. They go, and then I go. Yes.
The heavy noisy objects continue to pass by out the
front of us. Big ones. Small ones. Long ones. Narrow ones. Quiet ones with one
of them sitting atop. Everything else
around here is noisy. So much noise. How can they even have time to hear their
voices – or each others voices?
They’re walking!
They all swarm into the road like a infestation of
insects to a newly dumped trash bag. Go! And out I walk with them.
They give of no mood as they all criss-cross
through the square. The colour is white and senseless. I tread carefully, head
down, through the mass of walkers. One of them
doesn’t see me and accidentally kicks me before scowling at me. It’s a
clear message from that one; he hates my existence.
Sorry, I murmur, but it has already shot off at a
rate. Don’t worry. I’m almost there, to the other side.
I made it. I turn and look back and see the big
noisy things have started moving through the square again, the two-legs already
beginning to gather for the next one.
Now, the dark
place. It’s just over there beyond the stunted trees that somehow grow on
the hard ground.
As I approach, it grows quieter, more peaceful; I
can here the earth and the distant song of those that fly in the air. I notice
there are less of Them, the two-legged ones, around the dark place.
Are you here, Friend?
I need you. I need you. My shivering spasms and my stomach pangs with pain. I
look into the dark place. It stretches
off, long and shadowy, with scattered dross rustling in the wind. Light
breaking the shadows here and there. I see a few felines slinking around and
lazing in the distance, but no signs of the Foes.
The air fills with the smell of my terror. It – it’s a stench to my own nose.
Come on.
In.
But my jittering legs won’t go.
In. My legs just won’t go.
I turn, sit, shivering, with my back to the dark place and look to the sky above the
noisy square in the distance. There it hangs, the erratic sky. What would it
have me do, this ever-changing blue?
Go, the yon says, softly.
I – I can’t.
Just go, it adds.
And then silence.
The sky. It's so cool, blue, nearly the colour of Friend’s eyes…
And then I see everything there is to see about the
day and its offerings. All becomes clear. That
which is behind me is now in front. And I must face it.
Whether I shiver now from hunger or fear, I do not
know, but something has changed. I turn and walk into the forbidding shadows.
I’m coming Friend. I’ll be there
soon.
Whilst watchfully peering round corners and peeking
into nooks and crannies, I walk for a time and become accustomed to the
shifting light and deathly quiet. I walk calmly past the felines lazing in the
slashes of glowing sunlight across the littered path. As useful as it would be
to ask them if they have seen Friend,
our kind does talk to them.
And then, in the distance, I see a lifeless figure drape
upon the pavement. Friend. I run down
the alley, my heart racing and pull up to him, feet skidding. His eyes are
closed – but he’s not sleeping.
I lick his hand but he does not rouse.
Wake up, Friend.
Wake up, I call loudly. Nothing.
I lick his face this time. Nothing.
I continue licking anyway. It will wake him.
After a time I here the wind shift and as a low
rumbling develops behind me, I am caught between the familiar smell of Danger
and my immediate sense of fear. I smell Foes.
My calling must have alerted to them.
I whirl around to meet them with my heart raging,
from within me. Their pitted muzzles quiver, dripping with foam.
Look who comes whimpering
back to us, one of the
foes mocks.
No whimpering today, I shout. Go! Be gone!
You’re pitiful, but you’ll
make a small feast, another
adds. Get him!
The three of them lunge at me, but I evade them smoothly
and although one nips my tail, I am out of the reach of their claws and teeth.
They lunge again, and again I am nimble enough to jump out of their way. They
shift and fan out their formation, ready to strike.
Wake up, Friend! I need you, I call. Nothing.
I refocus on the Foes. They have me cornered against a big blue object with a slatted
object leaning against it. Nowhere to flee to this time. Wait! That object is
like a bridge up onto that blue thing! My heart seizes me and I run at the blue
thing, with my Foes charging behind
me. As I clamber up the object one of them bites, grabbing a hold of my leg.
Searing pain. Then, as we scramble, the bridge starts to slip from under me. I
manage to dive as his jaws slip from around my leg and I make it to the top of
the blue ledge.
I’m safe! I’m safe! I shout.
The ladder – or bridge - gives way and falls with a
clatter to the ground, falling and pinning one of them underneath it. His
whining agony echoes around the dark
place and tells me he is lost, for something is surely broken inside him.
The remaining two Foes barely even slow
and start to jump and bark at me, louder than ever.
They only do this for a moment, however, as they
soon spot a new prey – Friend.
No matter. Looks like
we’ll just be moving on to your friend here, one of them chides. They lazily saunter over to
Friend, who lies motionless on the hard ground.
Friend! I howl.
My cavernous stomach spasms pain so sharp my vision
goes hazy and I drop to my belly.
Friend! I call – now a moan. He stirs, his eyes
flickering ever so softly.
The Foes
now circle Friend while he sleeps. Why did I come here? Why was I sent here? I try
to push myself up, my legs shudder and give way.
Come on!
Friend! I call again – a little louder than a
moan this time. He stirs, his eyes flickering ever so softly.
He’s awake. But not good.
The bigger of the Foes bites Friend’s arm, ripping
the fabric of his clothes and shakes him, his body rocking limply.
No! No No!
And then there is strength coming from somewhere in
me. Life. Beautiful strong life. I jump down on to the fallen object and the
lame Foe shrieks at my weight. The two dogs drop Friends arm in an instant and round
on me.
Get away from my friend! I shout with force.
Back for more, the bigger one says blandly. This time you won’t get away, little dog.
No! I roar.
And then I seize the fallen dog’s throat and rip my
jaw away in one fluid movement, shaking a wet mouthful around violently in
front of them. Their eyes widen and their countenance drops.
Come to me, you cowards! I bellow and then call to the sky.
They stay still – frozen.
No?
I run at the bigger one but they bolt away in the
other direction into the shadows. I chase the two of them, biting at their heels
as they whimper and cry.
You’re in our area, I shout to the heavens. They feel my
ghost. I continue to chase them out of the dark place and into the crowds of Them, the two-legged ones. I stop
skidding on my back paws, but the two Foes
continue and run flat out into the busy square. But it is not the two-legged
ones time out in the middle. It is the noisy beasts and the two Foes are hit and slam with a thud to the
hard deck.
I don't wait to see after them. I turn and head
back to Friend, my life now draining from me again. No. I scamper lazily down
through the shadows, back to him, but it’s no good. Once he’s in sight I get
dizzy again. I drag myself the last few pieces of distance to him and lay my
head on his lap and breathe for the moment. The world is still around me and as
I look up I see the sky again. Blue, mostly blue. I gather energy to lift my
head and place it near Friend’s and start to lick his nose and bristly cheeks
softly.
And then his eyes flicker again, fluttering and
then they open and reveal his blue-white eyes. And through his hairy face his
smile grows again.
He says something – I don't know what – and then
scratches my head for a time while talking to me, so softly.
I start to drift off, to sleep or beyond, I know
not. And then from behind him he pulls a little shiny bag and I smell it
straight away – it’s my favourite food, the wet soft kind. He puts some on his
fingers and I lick at it, but I’m too weak to chew much, or even swallow. Even
still, the taste is warm, like eating the morning light that comes every day. I
let out a breath that feels like my last.
And then I smell it, again, the waft of something
near indescribable. Something akin to the flowers of change in the colourful
time, and not that different to the dead pieces that fall from the sleeping
trees in the cooler time. And also like the hard water in the bone-chilling
time and of the oppressive heat that comes but never stays. I smell of all
these things and then as I lay here with Friend, his fingers stop tickling my
forehead and the smell grows strong and then all is white and I sleep like
water in the winter.








